Pregnancy: The First Trimester
I'm thankful to be out of the first trimester! We found out on December 14th that I was pregnant, which was very early.
We decided to tell our parents and siblings for Christmas, even though I was only a few weeks along. There is a history of miscarriages in my family and I wanted to have the support of close family if something happened to our baby. They were all so excited and supportive.
Before we even found out about being pregnant, I started to feel sick. I had typical pregnancy symptoms- nausea, exhaustion, sore and tender body parts, cramps, etc. The first few weeks of my pregnancy were somewhat of a fog as I tried to be a mom and wife when I felt like I had no energy to give. The worst part was when Will left me for two weeks for a conference + for school. I was so thankful for my friend coming to visit and for being able to get some respite at my in-law's house!
I tried not to take Zofran that often, but there were definite times that I needed something! I did get in the habit of picking up a Sprite during my grocery trips :). I had some serious food aversions and there were times that I had to just walk away from any foods before I got sick! (Including at the Created for Care retreat- I had to walk out of dinner once!)
We got to see our baby on January 3rd at my 7 week appointment. It was very surreal seeing a baby on the screen, and I had been in some disbelief up until that moment. There was proof that there truly was a living baby inside of me!
Around 10 weeks/ at the Created for Care conference was a huge turning point for me. I don't know if it was hormones or just spiritual attack, but for the first part of my pregnancy I had a really hard time accepting that I was pregnant and being excited about it. I carried a lot of guilt and fear around. I worried about how I would handle having two small children, and how I would be able to care for Israel's special needs with a newborn. I didn't feel equipped for this. I felt guilty that I wasn't overjoyed when I knew so many women wanted to be pregnant and weren't.
God was so faithful though. I had some amazing friends praying for me, and at the retreat I was prayed over by two strangers who spoke into my heart about how God is sovereign and He picked me for these two kids- not because I am equipped but because God is faithful and He will be glorified in my weakness. I am so thankful that God blesses me even when I don't deserve it and when I am ungrateful for His gifts.
So to sum up the first trimester? Classic first trimester symptoms, and a huge transformation in my heart. It's not like I hadn't wanted to get pregnant or have another child BEFORE we got pregnant, but when there was a definite by-August-there-will-be-two-kids, I got really scared. And God was faithful and taught me so much in the first trimester. I'm so thankful for this baby and for what God has already taught me through this pregnancy.
I will say, the first trimester of pregnancy... MUCH EASIER (and less expensive-ha!) than the first trimester of adoption. The first trimester of adoption is all paperwork, writing lots of checks, and waiting on people to do their jobs quickly. You're still exhausted, but probably more stressed when it comes to first trimester of adoptions :). You know I can't help but compare these journeys! I can't believe it has been 3 years since we started our adoption process!
We decided to tell our parents and siblings for Christmas, even though I was only a few weeks along. There is a history of miscarriages in my family and I wanted to have the support of close family if something happened to our baby. They were all so excited and supportive.
Before we even found out about being pregnant, I started to feel sick. I had typical pregnancy symptoms- nausea, exhaustion, sore and tender body parts, cramps, etc. The first few weeks of my pregnancy were somewhat of a fog as I tried to be a mom and wife when I felt like I had no energy to give. The worst part was when Will left me for two weeks for a conference + for school. I was so thankful for my friend coming to visit and for being able to get some respite at my in-law's house!
I tried not to take Zofran that often, but there were definite times that I needed something! I did get in the habit of picking up a Sprite during my grocery trips :). I had some serious food aversions and there were times that I had to just walk away from any foods before I got sick! (Including at the Created for Care retreat- I had to walk out of dinner once!)
We got to see our baby on January 3rd at my 7 week appointment. It was very surreal seeing a baby on the screen, and I had been in some disbelief up until that moment. There was proof that there truly was a living baby inside of me!
Around 10 weeks/ at the Created for Care conference was a huge turning point for me. I don't know if it was hormones or just spiritual attack, but for the first part of my pregnancy I had a really hard time accepting that I was pregnant and being excited about it. I carried a lot of guilt and fear around. I worried about how I would handle having two small children, and how I would be able to care for Israel's special needs with a newborn. I didn't feel equipped for this. I felt guilty that I wasn't overjoyed when I knew so many women wanted to be pregnant and weren't.
God was so faithful though. I had some amazing friends praying for me, and at the retreat I was prayed over by two strangers who spoke into my heart about how God is sovereign and He picked me for these two kids- not because I am equipped but because God is faithful and He will be glorified in my weakness. I am so thankful that God blesses me even when I don't deserve it and when I am ungrateful for His gifts.
So to sum up the first trimester? Classic first trimester symptoms, and a huge transformation in my heart. It's not like I hadn't wanted to get pregnant or have another child BEFORE we got pregnant, but when there was a definite by-August-there-will-be-two-kids, I got really scared. And God was faithful and taught me so much in the first trimester. I'm so thankful for this baby and for what God has already taught me through this pregnancy.
I will say, the first trimester of pregnancy... MUCH EASIER (and less expensive-ha!) than the first trimester of adoption. The first trimester of adoption is all paperwork, writing lots of checks, and waiting on people to do their jobs quickly. You're still exhausted, but probably more stressed when it comes to first trimester of adoptions :). You know I can't help but compare these journeys! I can't believe it has been 3 years since we started our adoption process!
Love that comparison friend, and so grateful that you are able to make that comparison! :-)
ReplyDeleteso glad you're feeling better and most of all the the Lord has changed your heart! so excited for you in this new adventure!
ReplyDeleteI had similar feeling when I became pregnant with our 3rd child, though for different reasons. I didn't connect with our daughter the entire pregnancy, I prayed and prayed for God to change that but I had built up my own wall. Now I have to say that Ellie is so special to me, not just because of her being my child, but because everytime I look into her eyes I am reminded of God's grace and his perfect timing. She reminds me to stop questioning God and his motives when things don't go my way. Because of her, my relationship with. God has been forever changed. I am so glad that you did not have to wait for week 40 to have that heart change. Thank you for so openly sharing both journeys to parenthood. You will continue to be in my prayers, sweet sister in Christ.
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