Why Adopt First?

It is really funny how when we tell people that we are adopting, many people’s first question is: “but are you ever going to have children of your own?” or “can you not have your own kids?”

Some are bold enough to ask this to our face, and some have a roundabout way of asking by mentioning their friends’ infertility issues, or their own. At our NC yard sale this summer, we were cornered by a person who said that she and her husband thought about adopting when they had fertility issues, but “it all worked out” and they had 3 biological kids afterall. She told us to keep our heads up because we are young and “never know” what might happen.

Well, in case you are one of the wondering people- we decided to adopt first, because we want to adopt first. This isn’t a “plan B” or “pregnancy-didn’t-work-so-lets-just-get-a-baby” thing for us. (Please know that if infertility led you to adoption- I’m not judging that. I’m just saying this is how our story is happening.)

My husband and I are young, we’re in our early twenties and knew that we wanted to have kids when we were young. Prior to getting married we said we would start talking about starting a family when we’d been married a year. At our one year anniversary, we looked at each other and realized we didn’t want to get pregnant then. After watching some dear friends of ours begin and complete an international adoption, we knew that adoption was also something we wanted to do, and we wanted that to be a priority for our family.
We feel that adoption is a mirror of the gospel. We believe that we have been adopted into God’s family, through his mercy he made a way for our sinful selves to be made pure and holy through His perfect sacrifice. We now have a heritage that is eternal, not from our own doing but because God chose us to be his children. Adopting a child was a very tangible way for us to portray that same picture here on earth.

When the reality of that truth really took hold of us, we knew that we wanted to adopt now. Adoption is a long process, and we knew that we weren’t facing the same timeline as a pregnancy, which worked for our stage of life with my husband being in seminary. We knew that adoption takes a lot of commitment- time, money, and energy. At this point, being just the two of us, we can live very frugally without affecting other children as we save for our baby.

We have a lot of dreams for our future, and adoption was among the list of things that it would be “great” to do one day. When we realized that it was a matter of obedience to adopt, we knew that doing it now would be the only way to make sure it really did happen. We knew that once we had biological children it could be much harder to save, fundraise, or spend time on paperwork.

So getting back to the original question: “are you ever going to have your own kids?” Well, we 100% believe adopted children will be our “own” kids. We have dreams to adopt from other countries and/or domestically, and we also dream of biological children. The only thing we can plan for right now is our little Ethiopian baby that is waiting for us right now. When we think of being parents, we picture little brown cheeks and dark hair. We can’t wait to be parents and are so thankful that God has allowed our family to grow this way.


  1. I love this. LOVE LOVE LOVE this! I hope you inspire others to consider adoption first too!

  2. Your story is so cool! I think it is so great that you chose adoption for plan A! :)

  3. I'm so glad you posted this! I just had a co-worker ask me today, "Can't you have your own kids?" I just wanted to cry! I can't imagine my life now without adopted children!

  4. i just stumbled across your blog! I was actually looking for adoption fundraising ideas to share with a friend who is asking for them. my hubby and i can relate to your story. however we are in our early 30s...haha. i don't blog much but we are in raleigh, NC do you guys live in NC? would love to talk! we have been in the waiting process now for almost 2 years. actually just updating our homestudy now again...fun stuff;-) hope to talk soon. peace, amy

  5. Wow! That is our story too... my hubby and I have no fertility problems either. We have 4 bio kids in four years (we just turned 30). We realized that we wanted a full house and we could either keep having them biologically or we could give a home to a child who didn't have one. You are so right, it is a calling. I can't wait for God to send our boys to us!

  6. I am speechless, I love how open you two are!

  7. Hi! I just found your blog today and wanted to say that adoption is my "first" choice too! My husband & I are a little older than you guys (I'm turning 28 and my hubs is 35), and I've literally ALWAYS wanted to adopt. When I picture us becoming parents, I picture us in a foreign country and an adoption worker placing a dark-skinned child in my arms. If we became pregnant, it would obviously be God's will for us, but I've never been maternal in "that" way, never wanted to carry & give birth to a child. Adoption has been my dream since before I got married, and thank the Lord that I married a great man who doesn't really care "how" we get our children, as long as we have children someday!
    We're going through some very tough financial situations (my hubby got laid off, we had to sell our house and move across the country, now we're living in Seattle with his parents and trying to buy a house of our own), and he's underpaid at his current job. So God has a LOT of obstacles to overcome if He wants us to adopt, which we heartily believe that is our calling. So we're hanging in there and trusting His timing.
    It's so awesome to hear your story of adoption being your "first" choice, too! I thought I was alone in that!

  8. I just stumbled upon your blog from Pinterest. I'm glad I found it. My husband and I are getting ready to begin the adoption process and I love this post. We, too, don't want it to be viewed as "plan b." It's something we discussed that we wanted to do no matter if we're able to have biological children or not. Your family is precious.

    I see that you guys live in Alabama now. That's where I'm from. I also saw that you lived in NC and your husband attended seminary. By any chance was he attending Southeastern? That's where we are now. :)

  9. I am so glad to read this post! After reading several adoption blogs that always have infertility stories, it is SO refreshing to read that adoption was a first choice. My husband and I are the same and will be gearing up to start the process in a few months!


Post a Comment

Thanks for leaving a comment. I like to reply via email so make sure your email is connected to your Blogger account!