On the Hard Days

It would be misleading if I represented our family life in only the high points: the snuggles, the cuteness, the giggles, the progress. Of course we have hard moments, and there are times when Israel gets fussy for no reason or he won't sleep all night, and I just want to shut him in his nursery and not deal with it. And then I'm reminded that I have a husband who is my helper and support- I can't imagine how single moms do it and I honor you for being so strong! Thankfully the Lord is gracious to me and has shown me how selfish I am on a daily basis. I need Jesus, people. I need the Lord to give me everlasting patience and grace to show my son, just like Christ has done for me.

But even in the really hard moments, the times when I'm rocking Israel for hours in the middle of the night, the times when I catch his throw up in my hand or get peed on.... I wouldn't trade it.

You see, last year I was in a different season. It was harder. The weight of my empty arms hurt worse. The sleeplessness while wondering where my baby was and who was caring for him... that was a sleeplessness that haunted me. The thought of someone else caring for my son when he was sick and not me- that made me so sad. The days where I am waiting for adult conversation are much easier than the months when I was staring at my phone waiting for a referral.

And although I'm SO SO SO grateful to now have my dreams fulfilled in this precious boy, I know so many of you are still in that hard season. And I think of you every day. I think of my friends who would gladly rock my baby boy at 3 am, or would listen to a fussy baby if it was theirs. I'm so thankful to have gone through that season so that I can appreciate this one even more. I will not take these moments for granted.

Adoption (and motherhood!) is hard. But it is also so refining and sanctifying and I am so grateful to the Lord for allowing me to have experienced the good and the hard- because I am better for it.

Praying for those of you in a hard season today.