Stay at Home Mom

Stay at home mom. Despite what you may think, this was not always my goal in life. In fact, I don't know if I see it as my "forever" job still. I know the topic of working in and out of the home is a big, controversial subject, and I do not intend to add any fuel to the fire of it- this is just my inner struggle being laid out there!

 I'm from a big family, and I've always known that I wanted lots of kiddos too. Both my mom and Will's mom were/are homemakers, as are my two sisters. You don't have to tell me about the impact of a very available mama is to a kid- I saw it in my life (and my mom was very involved in her kids lives, as well as different ministries in our church).

I think one of the "issues" for me as a homemaker is pride. I have a degree, and I enjoy working. I love accomplishing tasks and having a "purpose." When someone asks "what do you do?" I want to have a good answer. But when I'm thinking about that, it is completely separate from my mind as a mother. You see, I cannot even bring myself to let friends hold Israel, so how could I possibly hand him over to a daycare? I know that for Israel right now, his needs are that his mom and dad are sole caregivers.

When I dream about five to ten years in the future, I pray that there are LOTS more babies (adopted and/or bio) in it (I tell Will that we are going to have 100 kids!). Of course in that dream, I am the hands-on mama who is caring and equipping each of them, meeting their special needs and finding a balance between marriage and ministry too! I want to be the one making all of the memories with my kiddos. I want to be available to take them to physical therapy, or soccer practice, or whatever.

I'm NOT saying that you can't be a working mom and be available. I'm just saying, I don't know how I would do it. When we lived in Raleigh I worked full time, Will was in a ministry position, we were very involved in our church, and we had NO free time. Almost every night was busy and it was rare for us to just "be" together. I had to cram all of my homemaking chores, small group, crafting, time with Will, etc, into my weekends and nights. And it was exhausting. I can't imagine doing all of those things PLUS caring for my 100 kiddos, and doing it well. In fact, since moving to Alabama Will and I have been very intentional to protect our nights and weekends so that we don't get so busy again.

I think another factor for me is that I need to remember my priorities. Having a career isn't really a priority for me, because I know that overall, my "purpose" here is to share the gospel and live missionally. That can certainly be done in a work environment (I have former coworkers who read this blog and I hope that the Lord was gracious to allow me to do that there). But my priority, and primary mission is to my husband and children. My marriage to Will is a picture of the gospel- when I submit to him and honor him, God gets glory! When I raise my 100 kiddos (ok let's just start with Israel) then my charge is to train them to know and love God. Others will be able to look on and see what God is doing in our lives. Will reminds me how counter cultural it is for women to stay home: it shows that our primary investment is in our children and it is worth the sacrifices.

So what's the verdict? For now, I'm exactly where I should be. I'm investing in my boy who has some emotional and physical needs that require lots of attention. I'm supporting my husband through ministry and school - making his burdens at home light so he can be 100% husband & dad when he walks through the door. I'm using my task-oriented skills to manage my home, maintain a budget, and instruct my son. I am using my extra time to invest in the lives of college students here and to disciple girls because I have the time in my day to do so.

I'm very, very thankful and honored that the Lord has allowed for me to be in this position during this season. I feel so grateful that Will believes so strongly that I am doing a purposeful job and he is willing to make sacrifices for me to be here. I'm thankful for the most precious son in the world, who makes it a joy to get up and serve every day. I'm thankful for a legacy of women who have selflessly served and laid down their lives and careers to invest in their children and make the gospel known in their homes.

I hope this post does not come across offensive to anyone; I'm sure there are women who desire to stay home but can't and there are some who are better moms by going to work everyday! For me and my family- this is what is best for right now.