End of a Season

I'm at the edge of a changing season. My two big kids will be starting back to school in September. Edith, who has mostly always been at home with me, will be leaving home for school. She will be spending the majority of her days in someone else's care, making friends and having conversations that I cannot overhear. She will come home telling me things that she has learned that I didn't teach her, and her circle of influence will be larger.

With Israel he's been in some form of daycare/school since 18 months, so it hasn't been as much of a life-altering transition when he has gone to school. He's always had this alternate life outside of us, with teachers and friends that we don't know about. We ache to know what he does or who he spends his day with. We are loving that he's starting to name his teachers and friends, and will do modified recaps of his days "Bus, fun, walking." But my relationship with Israel has included him being in school and we both thrive in that. He is an extrovert who loves attention from teachers and peers, and school has been a wonderful place for him. 

But Edith... she's been my girl. I remember crying when I found out she was a SHE at the ultrasound. We have been tight-knit. Her imagination is constant and she is my sidekick and helper. I'm so excited for her but I know that this is it. She'll always be in school from now on. No more stay at home mom days with her! I feel like people have been reminding me constantly that "the years are short" and it's about to speed up for us. Once she starts school, time goes by quicker. 

I recently accepted a part-time job, just 10+ hours per week. It's a small start back into the working world. I have a few options of childcare for Annalise, mainly friends who will watch her so she doesn't have to be in daycare. I'm not entirely putting away my SAHM life, but I'm reentering the workforce and allowing our family the ability to save money, and giving myself a "break" to have a part of my life that is not 100% being a mom. 

I've been "At home" since 2011. That's six years of homemaking, with a brief stint as a student and social worker. I'm really hopeful in this new season that it will allow me to find my niche. I hope that I can balance all of the priorities but also create boundaries for myself and my family so that we can thrive. In the past I've been pretty decent at saying NO when needed, and I hope that I will let go of shame and guilt where it is not needed. I hope that little Annalise makes sweet memories and friendships in the care of others, and that she sees that her mama worked hard and that she can do whatever she wants when she is older - be a mama full time, or work in whatever capacity she wants. 

I know that my emotions and thoughts are so scattered but I had to document this. I'm staring at a countdown of 2 weeks until things change so drastically. I'm excited, nervous, scared. I'm thankful for a supportive husband who has never pressured me in any way to be a SAHM or go to work. He has always said, "do what you want" and that freedom and support is not to be taken lightly! Thank you Will for allowing me to return to school a few years ago, for giving me the encouragement to look into jobs here, and for your upcoming grace as we all adjust to the new changes.