Sleep Deprived Again

We are sleep-deprived again. This is not new for our family, it is something we have dealt with for the 5.5 years of parenting we've got under our belt. Right now all three little McGees are guilty of keeping us up, and unfortunately in our apartment noise travels, so if one person is up, it is likely the others are soon to follow.


Edith is getting up to go to the bathroom, or need a hug, or want a toothbrush at 2 am. Annie demands touches and milk all through the night. Israel wants us to "sit" with him forever and will produce the most heartbreaking cry when he is alone. He stands at the door with his light on and throws toys out his room through a broken door pane (he has a French door to his bedroom and one pane is missing).

I want to just sit here in self-pity. I want to demand sleep and wonder why we have this burden again and again.

I decided to take down Israel's sleep tent, because it no longer looked like this:



Instead, it was saggy and bent and angled. The kids have played on it and the zippers were broken. When we inevitably got in to snuggle Israel to sleep, we would get stuck or wake him up when we tried to ninja exit.



So now he just has a mattress on the floor, and we are thinking through bed options for him.

The thing is, we have tried So many things for sleep in our home. Essential oils, medicines, weighted blankets, sound machines, fans, routines, lotions, massages, scriptures, sleep tents, etc etc. We are trying to do what we can to make it happen, but what our kids really want from us is our presence. They want to know they are safe and that mom and dad are available when they need them. Is that really so bad?

I think to the gospel. We try to do anything and everything for our own sustenance but only God's presence will save us. Only knowing Him and resting in Christ's salvation will give us peace.

Folding up and throwing away the sleep tent reminded me of all the things we have tried to do to help our little boy whom we love so fiercely. We'll do anything for this kid because we love him. How much MORE does God love us and delight in us, wanting us to rest in him. Like us, He is a father who was willing to pay whatever price (the greatest price) to give us what we needed. He sent his son Jesus to DIE for us. So as I think of the money spent, the exhaustion and repercussions of countless sleepless nights, I am reminded of a father who has been there before us.

Tonight will probably be another hard night, but I hope that I can be reminded as I get up with the little ones, that there is a Father who loves me and sees me, who has done the same thing for me.