When Your Season is Hard and You feel like You're Suffering
"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." 2 Corinthians 11:30.
When the season is hard.
I am in a season where I feel very weak. It is mentally, physically, and emotionally taxing to be a mom in general - and I am in a season where my spunky 2 year old and special needs, getting-heavier-by-the-day 4 year old seem to be winning some days. There are so many days where I say "I don't know what I'm doing!!" and I just want to hide in my bathroom until the tantrums stop.
I'm currently in the battle of advocating for my son's kindergarten placement. This is quite the ordeal in New York City and the process is complicated and confusing. I have been to many meetings, phone calls and have read materials but still don't know what is best for him and how to get it. I've shed many tears and felt very out of control in this process!
Truth: I know I am in the place God has called me to be. I know that He has lovingly given me all that I need for these moments.
"But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ has apportioned it." Ephesians 4:7
Can I trade with someone else?
In these moments though, I can feel overwhelmed or under-equipped. I look at other moms at the park and feel jealousy. I have to fight my heart to not be bitter! It's like in Father of the Bride 2 when they find out they are pregnant, and Diane Keaton only sees moms having sweet moments with kids while Steve Martin sees the dads struggling. I see other people doing well and feel like I'm the only one on the struggle bus. I know that's not true, but the enemy blinds me!
I recently took a trip to North Carolina to visit my family. I took the kids without Will and drove 12+ hours each way (broken up into two days of driving). It was a great, fun week but also exhausting being the sole parent of my two kids. I struggled with comparing my son's development with his same-age cousins, and felt embarrassed when I couldn't control my kids to "be good" or to cooperate during family times. My family didn't put pressure on me but I put it on myself and my children; I was just angry and sad when my kids weren't acting the way I wanted them to.
The issue here isn't just adjusting my expectations of others (like my kids), but of myself as well. Being a "good mom" doesn't mean that my kids don't have public meltdowns or that my child with cerebral palsy and sensory processing issues doesn't act like a kid with his special needs! Being a good mom is about meeting their needs and teaching them the ways of truth and love. I can do those things!
Truth: God has given me a specific calling and journey, just as he has called others to their families and challenges.
"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19
"The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24
Remember that the enemy is fighting against you.
I think it can be easy to dismiss hardships or to forget that we are still living in the "already, not yet" aspect of the Kingdom coming. Jesus's death and resurrection have brought the kingdom to earth, but we are waiting on Christ's return for all things to be made new. We're still tainted by the Fall / sin and therefore we will be affected by sin and the evil one. Satan is making a last-ditch effort to sway us from the truth and to keep us from being focused on the gospel.
There are times where Will and I just feel beat up and we have to remind ourselves that spiritual warfare is a real thing. Satan does not want us to enjoy living in Brooklyn or to love others well and share the gospel. He wants us distracted, bitter, and isolated. Instead of being inwardly focused I need to remember who we are up against but also that Christ has overcome evil and that the troubles we are experiencing here are in fact "light and momentary" even if they don't feel like it.
Truth: sometimes the hard things in my season are not just trials, but the enemy's attacks. Stand firm in truth of the gospel and take on the armor of God.
"For your struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12
What is this season producing in me?
On my recent road trip I was listening to some podcasts and heard the truth that God is using suffering to produce character, perseverance and hope in me. I reflected on the past year. It's been hard. There have been many illnesses, miscommunications, loneliness, trials with Israel, challenges of raising a 2 year old, lies from the enemy, etc. But what good is all of this doing in me? How is it shaping me? I feel that this year has really changed me a lot. I've toughened up, learned to get outside of my comfort zone, and be intentional about creating relationships. I have had my eyes opened to the experiences of others and feel that my compassion for others has deepened.
It's also shaping my character in ways of -how do I love my family and my neighbors when I feel that I don't have anything to give? How do I die to self daily? How do I lean into scripture when I'd rather mentally check out during my brief moments of quiet?
I think this "suffering builds character" component is important for me to understand because it reminds me that scriptures point to this for all people - not just pastor's wives or those who have relocated for a specific purpose. If my circumstances were changed, this would still be necessary for my spiritual and personal growth. Suffering produces fruit. I need trials and challenges to become who God has called me to be.
Truth: The suffering and hardships of your season can be used to produce good things.
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us." Romans 5:4-5
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
"Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." James 5:10-11
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13.
Conclusion.
I don't want anyone to read this and feel that we are in this deep pit of despair. We're really not. God is so faithful to us and we are constantly in awe of his goodness to us in happy moments and outings and experiences. I wanted to write all of this out for my own sake as a reminder to myself when I feel overwhelmed - here are truths and scriptures for me to soak in! I hope that in writing this I can encourage others who may be living in a challenging season as well. I hope that we can point out God's faithfulness and mercy to each other and that each day we will see how God has given us the perfectly apportioned grace for that day.
When the season is hard.
I am in a season where I feel very weak. It is mentally, physically, and emotionally taxing to be a mom in general - and I am in a season where my spunky 2 year old and special needs, getting-heavier-by-the-day 4 year old seem to be winning some days. There are so many days where I say "I don't know what I'm doing!!" and I just want to hide in my bathroom until the tantrums stop.
I'm currently in the battle of advocating for my son's kindergarten placement. This is quite the ordeal in New York City and the process is complicated and confusing. I have been to many meetings, phone calls and have read materials but still don't know what is best for him and how to get it. I've shed many tears and felt very out of control in this process!
Truth: I know I am in the place God has called me to be. I know that He has lovingly given me all that I need for these moments.
"But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ has apportioned it." Ephesians 4:7
Can I trade with someone else?
In these moments though, I can feel overwhelmed or under-equipped. I look at other moms at the park and feel jealousy. I have to fight my heart to not be bitter! It's like in Father of the Bride 2 when they find out they are pregnant, and Diane Keaton only sees moms having sweet moments with kids while Steve Martin sees the dads struggling. I see other people doing well and feel like I'm the only one on the struggle bus. I know that's not true, but the enemy blinds me!
I recently took a trip to North Carolina to visit my family. I took the kids without Will and drove 12+ hours each way (broken up into two days of driving). It was a great, fun week but also exhausting being the sole parent of my two kids. I struggled with comparing my son's development with his same-age cousins, and felt embarrassed when I couldn't control my kids to "be good" or to cooperate during family times. My family didn't put pressure on me but I put it on myself and my children; I was just angry and sad when my kids weren't acting the way I wanted them to.
The issue here isn't just adjusting my expectations of others (like my kids), but of myself as well. Being a "good mom" doesn't mean that my kids don't have public meltdowns or that my child with cerebral palsy and sensory processing issues doesn't act like a kid with his special needs! Being a good mom is about meeting their needs and teaching them the ways of truth and love. I can do those things!
Truth: God has given me a specific calling and journey, just as he has called others to their families and challenges.
"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19
"The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24
Remember that the enemy is fighting against you.
I think it can be easy to dismiss hardships or to forget that we are still living in the "already, not yet" aspect of the Kingdom coming. Jesus's death and resurrection have brought the kingdom to earth, but we are waiting on Christ's return for all things to be made new. We're still tainted by the Fall / sin and therefore we will be affected by sin and the evil one. Satan is making a last-ditch effort to sway us from the truth and to keep us from being focused on the gospel.
There are times where Will and I just feel beat up and we have to remind ourselves that spiritual warfare is a real thing. Satan does not want us to enjoy living in Brooklyn or to love others well and share the gospel. He wants us distracted, bitter, and isolated. Instead of being inwardly focused I need to remember who we are up against but also that Christ has overcome evil and that the troubles we are experiencing here are in fact "light and momentary" even if they don't feel like it.
Truth: sometimes the hard things in my season are not just trials, but the enemy's attacks. Stand firm in truth of the gospel and take on the armor of God.
"For your struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12
What is this season producing in me?
On my recent road trip I was listening to some podcasts and heard the truth that God is using suffering to produce character, perseverance and hope in me. I reflected on the past year. It's been hard. There have been many illnesses, miscommunications, loneliness, trials with Israel, challenges of raising a 2 year old, lies from the enemy, etc. But what good is all of this doing in me? How is it shaping me? I feel that this year has really changed me a lot. I've toughened up, learned to get outside of my comfort zone, and be intentional about creating relationships. I have had my eyes opened to the experiences of others and feel that my compassion for others has deepened.
It's also shaping my character in ways of -how do I love my family and my neighbors when I feel that I don't have anything to give? How do I die to self daily? How do I lean into scripture when I'd rather mentally check out during my brief moments of quiet?
I think this "suffering builds character" component is important for me to understand because it reminds me that scriptures point to this for all people - not just pastor's wives or those who have relocated for a specific purpose. If my circumstances were changed, this would still be necessary for my spiritual and personal growth. Suffering produces fruit. I need trials and challenges to become who God has called me to be.
Truth: The suffering and hardships of your season can be used to produce good things.
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us." Romans 5:4-5
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
"Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." James 5:10-11
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13.
Conclusion.
I don't want anyone to read this and feel that we are in this deep pit of despair. We're really not. God is so faithful to us and we are constantly in awe of his goodness to us in happy moments and outings and experiences. I wanted to write all of this out for my own sake as a reminder to myself when I feel overwhelmed - here are truths and scriptures for me to soak in! I hope that in writing this I can encourage others who may be living in a challenging season as well. I hope that we can point out God's faithfulness and mercy to each other and that each day we will see how God has given us the perfectly apportioned grace for that day.
My husband and I are adopting - currently in The Waiting To Be Matched part of the process - and, as you know, there are many days it's SO hard! And oddly enough, that's not been an easy thing for me to admit. The verses you shared in this post were really comforting to me, especially 2 Corinthians 11:30. Thanks for sharing these parts of your heart :)
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