Learning from Israel

Israel has been making some tremendous milestones in the last month. It is really humbling to think about, and it has all been so, so, so long anticipated!

He has said several new words: train, clock, neck, cat, and others. He's started to cruise along furniture. He's pulling up frequently (not all the way to stand, but to his knees).

I'm so excited for these things, as we have been in therapy for years (literally, three years this July!). He's going to be 4 in October and as the gap widens between him and his peers, it makes my heart ache more and more. I am so glad that he's becoming more verbal and that he is gaining independence.

Two weeks ago we connected with a new therapy group, called Sensory Freeway, in Bay Ridge. It's a 12 block walk but he is attending therapy on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3-4. I'm so thankful for this outlet, as we can tell a difference in him already. Also, it seems like an emotional/physical "reset" for him. I can tell that he is doing better afterwards.

But I have to be honest... it's still really hard. Never have I doubted my abilities to be the best mom for Israel since moving to New York a few weeks ago. I don't have my support system in place yet. I miss the days that Israel went to UCP for daycare twice a week! I feel emotionally and physically exhausted because I have very few breaks from him, and he's very difficult sometimes. We've moved his toddler bed into our room because his sleeping issues have been so difficult, that it's easier for me to be a few feet away from him. I feel guilt for wanting a break, and anger for not knowing how to handle him or myself on the really hard days. I feel stuck sometimes - trapped in my house because it's hard to go out and my child is so unpredictable in public.

So... on the days where Israel says a new word, or smiles the whole time he's on a subway train, or laughs with his sister as they play happily together in our apartment... those things are God's sweet gifts to me. Watching him cruise along furniture was the boost I needed to go on... to keep walking those blocks to therapy, to keep trying to push him in my own little version of therapy at home. Those little moments that speak to my heart saying, "you can do this! it's worth it!"

Honestly I'm still counting down until September when Israel will start pre-k, and it will be easier. But on the good days, in the easy moments, I'm so thankful that this story is much bigger than what I can see. These hard moments and days where I just want to (and sometimes do) lock myself in the bathroom and hide from my little people, they are shaping me and my kids. We're becoming stronger and growing through this.  


  1. Love your transparency! I came across your Instagram and love your blog. Welcome to Bay Ridge! I've heard of crossroads and actually live across the street from the high school it takes place in ! My husband and I attend Trinity Grace Church in Park Slope. Thank you for sharing these posts are super encouraging ❤️

  2. I second the love of your transparency! I've been foowing your blog for a long time now and I came across it via Leigh Ladd. I love the honesty in your struggles. You're a brave woman moving across the country with no family near by and 2 babies! Your honesty is refreshing and an encouragement to all the moms who read your blog as well :)


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