Your Loss Is My Gain??

I believe the best way to describe my current status is: mixed emotions. It is not impossible that we could get  a referral by the end of the summer! So much anticipation and excitement is in our hearts, yet we realize that the gift of our child comes from a huge loss on someone else's part.

I guess the reality of the "big picture" of our adoption has really started to hit. That although it is going to be a joyous day (for me & Will) when we get our baby, it won't be the beginning of his/her life, and even our gotcha day will be a bit traumatic for this child that has had too many transitions for an infant. By the time we meet our little one, the baby will have already gone through a tremendous loss, and we can't do anything about it. We can start fresh and show the baby a lot of love from that point on, but we can't go back and erase what happened, or prevent it now. Our baby will come to us because of a huge loss in its life and in the birthfamily's life as everything familiar is taken away. (Of course we trust in God's sovereignty and that He is the renewer of hearts and redeemer of bad situations.)

So as I guess that our baby may already be born now, I think- wow, could that loss be happening right now? Is our vulnerable baby dealing with a huge loss that I can't even comprehend?

And so I sit here not even knowing how to pray, yet trusting that God hears our prayers and His spirit intervenes on behalf of us.

I sit here too far away from Africa, not able to do anything to protect that little heart from hurt, yet trusting that God is knitting this precious heart together in the most perfect way.

I sit here knowing that I am inadequate and won't be the one to heal this little heart that will be entrusted to me, yet trusting that God will give us all the grace we need for each moment to come.

I sit here knowing we will have a long road ahead: an attachment that must be built, the loss of a birth family that must be recognized, and birth culture that must be honored...

So I will say, in adoption one's loss is NOT my gain. Baby, your loss is our loss. We weep with you and ache with you and we long to accept with a heavy heart the gift that your birth family and our God will give us: raising you to love Jesus.


  1. Bekah, this is the perspective you have to have to parent these precious children! It's hurts so deeply and you have to be able to feel that pain with them in order to help them heal. It will only help you be the parent that the Lord wants you to be! You are going to be a wonderful mama! Praying for you and your baby! Love you friend!

  2. so so true... their loss is our loss and it is incredibly heartbreaking. I knew all this, but it became so real to me after our referral. As ecstatic as I was in the days that followed finally seeing his face, I would randomly burst into tears over his mother and the info I had about her. After meeting her I can honestly say that we pray for her every day and love her and ache so badly that it had to be this way...

    This perspective is vital for mothering your child! You're going to be an amazing mommy!

  3. You're right on the mark. I've thought about this often throughout our adoption. Take care!

  4. This is definitely the hardest part of adoption. It is something that is impossible ignore and is daily a hardship to deal with and we aren't even to the age where mal realizes it yet.

    The hardest part for us is just not knowing anything. We thought for sure we would get SOME info on the circumstances and the why, but in our situation nope, we got nothing. Just question after question that will never be answered. But we still pray for her and grieve over the lack of knowledge and the loss.

  5. That is a sombering realization. That our joy is coupled with tremendous loss, a mom who has to give up her child, a baby who has heard his momma's voice for 9 months and now feels lost without that comfort. But be comforted in the fact that from the beginning of time God knew that this little one would suffer these tragedies and he planned for YOU to be the one to give them hope and a chance to know the Savior. God has a Sovereign plan, and whatever may be happening right now, is happening because He allows it.

  6. Over the last couple years, I've been doing a lot of thinking on the same sort of thing. Adoption starts with loss -- but God redeems.


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