Waving my White Flag
I have a lot of things to post about... more visitors, Israel's birthday party, etc. It's easy to post the highlight reel and give off the image of our glamorous New York life. Honestly, we are so blessed and I shouldn't complain one bit.
But... it's still hard. There's a kid that refuses to sleep through the night. Insurance issues that require long phone calls. New doctors and entertaining kids in waiting rooms for too long. Sunday morning single motherhood (that's being a pastor's wife) and the challenge of hosting four rounds of visitors in three weeks, when we don't have a washer and dryer in our building. I can totally twist all of these things to see the positive but sometimes I just get frustrated.
We are certainly enjoying our new life in New York, but I think the "honeymoon" is over and we are still trying to find our new normal. Israel is in school now and I am really wrestling with what I need to do with my time, do I want to try to get my license again and find part-time work? Or just be home with Edith? Will is going to be busy this fall on several retreats and preaching opportunities. I'm taking a trip next week (BY MYSELF!) to see my mom and sisters. I'm really excited about it because I cannot wait to be in car, go through a drive through, walk through a not-stressful Target, not worry about anyone for a few days and just rest.
So this isn't really an update, just a: we're still here. We're still adjusting. There are great days and hard days. I typically post the highlight reel and I want to give a positive reflection on our life because we are so blessed by the generosity of others in sending us here and we feel so grateful that God has called and equipped us to be in Brooklyn. Yet even in the calling there is a desperate need for grace.
A few weeks ago I went to a Parakaleo ministry meeting (a pastors' wife thing) and one of the leaders asked us if we truly believe in Romans 8 when it says that there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ. Do we really believe that there is nothing else that need for our salvation? That there is nothing I can do to mess up or fall short of grace if I have Jesus? It was really refreshing for me and I keep going back to that chapter because since we have moved here, I have felt so much pressure. Pressure that I put on myself or that I feel put on me by other's expectations. Sometimes I just want to say "I am not enough!!" and that is actually true. I am not enough, but Christ is. And through Christ, I have all I need and there is grace enough for me. So I'm going to do my best and call it a day. And today, I'm going to secretly eat chocolate cookies and feed my kids french fries for dinner because it's been a rough one. And that is okay.