If you didn't know already, infertility didn't have a role in our journey to adopt. We never went though the agony of waiting each month for a positive pregnancy test, but I think I'm beginning to understand what that may be like. You see, for the past two + weeks, every day I have woken up thinking that "this is the day!" and it hasn't happened. And for the record, we're 19 months into this adoption process, not that we're counting, right? So that is 19 months of dreaming about a sweet baby, anticipating a special phone call that announces us parents, and writing the words "REFERRAL" on our facebook pages and blog.
But I have got to take captive my thoughts. I cannot focus on what I don't have. I cannot dream about the time when I'll be a mom and miss this time that I'm not one. I cannot wallow in a pity party of things that the Lord has not given me yet.
Today Will played a game with me. He came in, saw that I was disappointed in another day passing, and redirected my thoughts. He said, "What is true?" And I had to go through all the things I knew to be true. God is good. He is faithful. He loves me. He loves our baby more than I do. He has greater plans that we know. His desire is for orphans to have families. He withholds no good things from His children. He is close to the brokenhearted and comforts us.
So that's what I'm choosing to do- focus on what is true. Because focusing on timelines, guessing the timing of our referral, being frustrated with the process- those are not bringing me to Truth. Keep me accountable and cover us in prayer- we need the Lord's grace to do this.