Transient Family
We live in a transient city, which means people come and go. If they are "from New York" then they are likely to stay, although a lot of native New Yorkers end up in Florida or Texas. Since moving to New York, several of our close friends have moved on and it has been hard to be the one left behind.
I shouldn't be surprised though, because my own life has been one full of transience. In my childhood, we moved from GA to NC when I was six, I went to a different middle school (all new friends) and then we moved to AL when I was in high school. Four years later, college, starting over again! Even in college I floated between friend groups, had friends in another state due to a relationship, and then Will and I met and married young. We moved to North Carolina for 2 years, then Alabama for 4 years, and now we have been in New York for almost five years. That's a lot of moving, a lot of starting over.
At this point I know that it takes a solid year to feel "settled" and even longer to feel rooted. I remember the aching loneliness of the first year of every place we moved. When we moved to Alabama and were in the adoption process, I felt so isolated and aimless as I waited to be a mom and felt somewhat purposeless. It took a few years for me to find my true buddies and kindred spirits, and at that time I relied heavily on my online circle of adoptive mama friends.
When we moved to New York, the first year was ROUGH. Not only was I dealing with the major life transition, but I mourned the loss of a job I enjoyed, and had a small church community that I didn't really connect to most of the time. It seemed like in my entire life, every time I felt comfortable, we moved. I didn't like that!
Now we are here, settled for now, and I recently met a new friend who just moved here. I feel the ache of that starting over. I understand how hard it is and also how I want to be guarded at transient new relationships- when are you going to leave me? I mourned the loss of my friend Selah who was my building neighbor here in NYC - we were instant kindred spirits and we saw each other daily as we raised our little city babies, bonded over books and Jesus and doing the daily mundane tasks together. I thought, will I ever have another adult friendship like this? And still, I haven't yet.
What I know after 32+ years as a sojourner, is that there will always be changes. I can never expect to be fully rooted anywhere, because even if my circumstances don't change, those around me change. I know that here on earth, I will always feel somewhat unsettled. As a Christian, I believe God has given me this sense of restlessness because I am called to a different Home and the time on earth is a precursor to eternal life in Heaven.
I also have the example of Christ and the disciples, who were constantly moving and counted their family to be those who were on mission with them. This year we are spending Thanksgiving with Will's family, and it is the first Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday that we have spent with any family since before we moved to NYC in 2015! I know that church as family is essential because otherwise there is loneliness. And even with new traditions, it can seem sad and "off" somehow because we aren't with our extended family. I have to cling to the scriptures that say it is better to forsake our mother and father for the gospel because there is greater reward. By staying here, investing in our little family, ministering to our neighbors and church, we are reaping a far better reward, even if it is hard.
So as we continue to live in this changing city, with an unknown future ahead of us, I cling to the constancy of Jesus, the security of my marriage and the fact that I have this crew of tiny McGees that will come with me wherever we go. And I know that in all the seasons past- the good, the lonely, the full, the empty- God was faithful, and he will always be faithful to meet my needs and supply me with grace and joy.
I shouldn't be surprised though, because my own life has been one full of transience. In my childhood, we moved from GA to NC when I was six, I went to a different middle school (all new friends) and then we moved to AL when I was in high school. Four years later, college, starting over again! Even in college I floated between friend groups, had friends in another state due to a relationship, and then Will and I met and married young. We moved to North Carolina for 2 years, then Alabama for 4 years, and now we have been in New York for almost five years. That's a lot of moving, a lot of starting over.
At this point I know that it takes a solid year to feel "settled" and even longer to feel rooted. I remember the aching loneliness of the first year of every place we moved. When we moved to Alabama and were in the adoption process, I felt so isolated and aimless as I waited to be a mom and felt somewhat purposeless. It took a few years for me to find my true buddies and kindred spirits, and at that time I relied heavily on my online circle of adoptive mama friends.
When we moved to New York, the first year was ROUGH. Not only was I dealing with the major life transition, but I mourned the loss of a job I enjoyed, and had a small church community that I didn't really connect to most of the time. It seemed like in my entire life, every time I felt comfortable, we moved. I didn't like that!
Now we are here, settled for now, and I recently met a new friend who just moved here. I feel the ache of that starting over. I understand how hard it is and also how I want to be guarded at transient new relationships- when are you going to leave me? I mourned the loss of my friend Selah who was my building neighbor here in NYC - we were instant kindred spirits and we saw each other daily as we raised our little city babies, bonded over books and Jesus and doing the daily mundane tasks together. I thought, will I ever have another adult friendship like this? And still, I haven't yet.
What I know after 32+ years as a sojourner, is that there will always be changes. I can never expect to be fully rooted anywhere, because even if my circumstances don't change, those around me change. I know that here on earth, I will always feel somewhat unsettled. As a Christian, I believe God has given me this sense of restlessness because I am called to a different Home and the time on earth is a precursor to eternal life in Heaven.
I also have the example of Christ and the disciples, who were constantly moving and counted their family to be those who were on mission with them. This year we are spending Thanksgiving with Will's family, and it is the first Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday that we have spent with any family since before we moved to NYC in 2015! I know that church as family is essential because otherwise there is loneliness. And even with new traditions, it can seem sad and "off" somehow because we aren't with our extended family. I have to cling to the scriptures that say it is better to forsake our mother and father for the gospel because there is greater reward. By staying here, investing in our little family, ministering to our neighbors and church, we are reaping a far better reward, even if it is hard.
So as we continue to live in this changing city, with an unknown future ahead of us, I cling to the constancy of Jesus, the security of my marriage and the fact that I have this crew of tiny McGees that will come with me wherever we go. And I know that in all the seasons past- the good, the lonely, the full, the empty- God was faithful, and he will always be faithful to meet my needs and supply me with grace and joy.
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