Breaking Point & A Perspective Change

"How do you do it?" // "I don't know how you do it." Those are things I hear a lot, because Will and I are in a busy, crazy season. I don't want to give off the air that I have things together, because I really don't!

Will was gone for just under two weeks in January, and it was the same time that I started my internship, Edie started daycare, and my classes started. It was two long weeks and I ended up going to visit my parents over the weekend because I needed help and I had to find a way to study. There were some gracious people who helped out throughout the time period, but at the end of it, I was exhausted!

The day after Will returned, I went to work and left him with the kids all day. Then the next week started with MLK Holiday and I was left to find a way to work the lost hours of MLK day during the week. While juggling classwork, therapy, babies who sleep on opposite schedules (despite all attempts to get them to nap at the same time), etc. It was a long week and Will and I were both stretched thin and stressed.

That Thursday morning as I left for work, we got in a petty fight over something silly and I ended up calling Will sobbing. I couldn't do it anymore! I was at a breaking point. I needed time to be alone, process my thoughts, and refresh!

Thankfully my gracious husband granted my request and gave me a few hours on Saturday to spend alone. I went to the mall, spent some gift cards, and then went to a coffee shop for a while. I sat down and journaled everything that I could think of (journaling is not a habit I keep up). I wrote things down, made lists, tried to expel every worry and thought from my brain in search of relief. I wanted to feel an exhale of the craziness.

And yet... it wasn't happening! I made a list of my goals for the year and the desires and fears I had. Those goals included graduating with my MSW, passing the licensure exam, teaching Israel to walk, being a better mom, getting more involved with our ministry, and other "noble" goals.

I flipped through my Bible and came to Isaiah 61.  I was reminded of my true purposes for this year. God has called me to be a part of something much bigger than my petty to-do list!

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

The Lord's to-do list include:
proclaiming good news to the poor
binding the brokenhearted
proclaiming freedom for the captives
releasing prisoners from darkness
comforting those who mourn
give beauty for ashes

Being reminded of this was exactly what I needed for that great "exhale" I desired. It's not about me. The things the Lord has ordained for me this year will align with HIS purposes. He will use my grad school, working, kids being in daycare, etc. to bring the good news to the poor, to comfort others, to give praise instead of despair! When I put all of my "to do" list into the perspective of God's plan, it shifts everything.

So... is my breaking point over? Well, I'm still in the same circumstances, but my perspective has been refreshed. I would love to look back at this season and say that we were busy planting "oaks of righteousness" and that what we reap won't be degrees or physical milestones, but a display of God's splendor.