Sleep (or lack of...)
**The pictures in this post are completely irrelevant to the topic at hand. I just wanted to post them because my Mom doesn't have facebook and otherwise she wouldn't see them.**
I mentioned earlier that sleep has been our biggest hurdle here at the McGee house. I'm sure that just adding a baby into any family will destroy peaceful nights for new parents, so we were expecting an adjustment.
Israel Biruk has been stumping us though. I think he's finally figured out his days & nights, so that's not really our problem anymore. NAPPING, however = big problem. He is so tired during the day. He will be fussy, rubbing his eyes, drooping his head to the side, etc; but when we try to put him down it is so difficult. And he can't put himself to sleep (we've tried that) - it just becomes a very extended cranky playtime for him.
I've tried sticking to a schedule, and for the most part that works. The problem is that sometimes he will wake up 45 minutes into his allotted 2 hour naptime- still tired, but refusing to go back to sleep! Usually he fights his morning naps but will rock really long naps in the afternoon. Getting him to bed at night is "typically" easy - praise God!
I feel like my whole day/night is rocking him to sleep. He won't nap in his crib - if he falls asleep and I put him in there, then he wakes up minutes later. He naps pretty consistently in the Ergo, but only if I am standing and rocking/patting him, with some light jogging and bouncing for good measure.
Last week our Family Education Coordinator contacted us for a check-in and asked if we needed to talk, so we jumped on the opportunity. We discussed Israel's sleep issues and she said that the signs he was showing definitely patterned grief processing. She said that Israel is probably realizing when he is tired that he is vulnerable and losing control when he sleeps, so he fights it. He also was probably left at the orphanage (and we left Hannah's Hope) during the daytime, so he may be afraid that change will occur if he sleeps during the day. Poor baby.
So now, I petition you dear friends- please pray for us! Pray for Israel's heart to trust us so he can sleep. He's getting about 11-12 hours of sleep TOTAL per day (including naps and evening sleep) and he is 7 months old. Also, for the Lord to provide mama with supernatural rest, strength, and patience, as my body is so tired. Did I mention that Israel won't let Will put him to sleep?
I also want to say that I am NOT trying to complain here. I count it a joy to rock my son to sleep. I love that he will sleep on my chest every day in the Ergo. I love his sweaty hair when he naps and the deep breaths he takes. I love the little whimper he makes when he is waking up. I love how he grips my shirt when he's sleeping. I love the way his mouth is open when he's sleeping. I am petitioning your prayer because HE needs sleep and I don't know how to get him to sleep longer.
Any suggestions on how to make this happen? We've tried swaddling (he kicks the blankets off in seconds- even the velcro ones), adjusting his schedule, giving him a bottle, not giving him a bottle, music in the background, lights off, lights dim, etc. "Cry it out" method isn't an option for us- so any others are welcome!
*Updated to add: thank you everyone for your input thus far!! I'm loving all of the suggestions. I also wanted to clarify that it's not necessarily my goal that he HAS to sleep in his crib during the day- I just want him to SLEEP and get enough of it!
I mentioned earlier that sleep has been our biggest hurdle here at the McGee house. I'm sure that just adding a baby into any family will destroy peaceful nights for new parents, so we were expecting an adjustment.
Israel Biruk has been stumping us though. I think he's finally figured out his days & nights, so that's not really our problem anymore. NAPPING, however = big problem. He is so tired during the day. He will be fussy, rubbing his eyes, drooping his head to the side, etc; but when we try to put him down it is so difficult. And he can't put himself to sleep (we've tried that) - it just becomes a very extended cranky playtime for him.
I've tried sticking to a schedule, and for the most part that works. The problem is that sometimes he will wake up 45 minutes into his allotted 2 hour naptime- still tired, but refusing to go back to sleep! Usually he fights his morning naps but will rock really long naps in the afternoon. Getting him to bed at night is "typically" easy - praise God!
I feel like my whole day/night is rocking him to sleep. He won't nap in his crib - if he falls asleep and I put him in there, then he wakes up minutes later. He naps pretty consistently in the Ergo, but only if I am standing and rocking/patting him, with some light jogging and bouncing for good measure.
Last week our Family Education Coordinator contacted us for a check-in and asked if we needed to talk, so we jumped on the opportunity. We discussed Israel's sleep issues and she said that the signs he was showing definitely patterned grief processing. She said that Israel is probably realizing when he is tired that he is vulnerable and losing control when he sleeps, so he fights it. He also was probably left at the orphanage (and we left Hannah's Hope) during the daytime, so he may be afraid that change will occur if he sleeps during the day. Poor baby.
So now, I petition you dear friends- please pray for us! Pray for Israel's heart to trust us so he can sleep. He's getting about 11-12 hours of sleep TOTAL per day (including naps and evening sleep) and he is 7 months old. Also, for the Lord to provide mama with supernatural rest, strength, and patience, as my body is so tired. Did I mention that Israel won't let Will put him to sleep?
I also want to say that I am NOT trying to complain here. I count it a joy to rock my son to sleep. I love that he will sleep on my chest every day in the Ergo. I love his sweaty hair when he naps and the deep breaths he takes. I love the little whimper he makes when he is waking up. I love how he grips my shirt when he's sleeping. I love the way his mouth is open when he's sleeping. I am petitioning your prayer because HE needs sleep and I don't know how to get him to sleep longer.
Any suggestions on how to make this happen? We've tried swaddling (he kicks the blankets off in seconds- even the velcro ones), adjusting his schedule, giving him a bottle, not giving him a bottle, music in the background, lights off, lights dim, etc. "Cry it out" method isn't an option for us- so any others are welcome!
*Updated to add: thank you everyone for your input thus far!! I'm loving all of the suggestions. I also wanted to clarify that it's not necessarily my goal that he HAS to sleep in his crib during the day- I just want him to SLEEP and get enough of it!
Im struggling a bit as well with a 1 month old. I understand your desire for him needing sleep not to mention your own! Check out adoptive forums maybe and see what they recommend! Maybe find a few library books too.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, he is so dang cute!! Secondly, my trick for not letting kiddos cry but helping them to sleep is taken fromThe Baby Whisperer. Lay him down drowsy, but not yet suPer cranky. Stand over his bed and if he starts to fuss, place a gentle hand on his belly and make shhhhhh sounds. You should avoid talking. When he stops crying, lift your hand and continue standing there. If he starts up again, repeat. You can use this time to practice eye contact with him and when he sees you there, helping guide him to independent sleep, he will get more secure. Hang in there, you're a great momma!!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, a disclaimer: feel free to disregard anything I say that doesn't feel right to your mama instincts - I'm a firm believer that the Lord gives us each instincts for our children and our children alone, so what was right for my peanut might not be what your boy needs. Also, I'm an experienced mom, but not an experienced adoptive mom so I may be back here in a year or so (when we finally get our referral and our baby home!) asking your advice! Okay, here are my thoughts: I'm sure you've heard this, but in our education for our adoption (we're on the waiting list for Ethiopia) we learned to treat a newly home adopted child like a newborn. This might be a little overwhelming for a first-time parent because you may not know how you would have responded or reacted to your newborn, but the basic idea is that you can't spoil a newborn. So whatever you need to do to get him to sleep is right - whatever works is right! You don't need to worry right now about training him - just do what works. My other tip is to track down my favorite sleep book - it's called Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. I read so many books when my daughter was born and was frustrated because they all seemed so influenced by specific beliefs about parenting and they were all so contradictory! When several friends recommended Healthy Sleep Habits I was skeptical, but desperate! The guy who wrote it is a pediatrician who has done a ton of sleep studies. I love it because I can recommend it to anyone - no matter their sleep style. He basically just gives an idea of what all children NEED (based on research, not parenting philosophies) and then gives really practical tips to help you adapt your parenting style to the reality of what kids need sleep-wise at certain ages. My advice is to read the section for Israel's age and then the preceding and following sections - especially paying attention to the clues that he might be transitioning from one sleep stage to another. I say this because (as you know) adopted children are often behind developmentally because of their months spent in less than optimal care, but also because my daughter dropped her naps quite early and I spent many tearful afternoons trying to force her to take two naps when she really only needed one long one! If I had known to pay more attention to the symptoms of our sleep problems rather than her age, I could have saved myself (and her) a lot of tears and misery! Hang in there! You will figure him out - I promise! I know too well the desperation, though so I will be praying for you all! You're doing a great job - parenting is a steep learning curve for everyone! One more thing - there were certain stages when all I could get from my girl were 45 minute quickies. I found that once I accepted that that was all I was going to get from her, we were both much happier. I know it's hard (impossible?) but try to remind yourself that this too shall pass and he will catch up on sleep and so will you! Ok I'm done! Best of luck! He is so so so cute!
ReplyDeleteOh my dear, I know ALL about sleep problems. Liam is the King of fighting sleep! Most of the time for naps we end up putting him in the stroller and he knocks out. Don't know if that would work for Israel but I guess you can give it a shot. I say, do whatever works. We spent SO many days trying to figure this kid out. Liam would cry, I would cry. It was a hot mess. Now he will nap in his crib occasionally but if he's fighting it I put him in the stroller. I'd rather skip the tears (his and mine, lol). Sorry you're dealing with this. It's all part of the joy of motherhood! ;-)
ReplyDeleteObviously no advice here!!! Praying that Israel will start to feel more secure so he can let his guard down and sleep during the day!
ReplyDeleteWill he take a paci? That might help soothe him back to sleep after waking up mid nap. Also, since he seems to like motion, a swing or bouncer seat might help. I would put it somewhere other than his room so he doesn't feel so secluded and so he can see you as he's falling asleep. I have Levi's swing in our little dining area and I will sit beside him and sew or read and next thing I know he's asleep - and he takes some pretty solid naps in that thing. I hope it gets better soon! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThis sweet baby could be a model for Polo!!! What great pictures!!! Sorry I don't have any sleeping advice, but I pray baby Israel can keep some much needed sleep.
ReplyDeleteRebekah, I LOVE the pictures!!!! For naps, we have to have the TV on for Charlie. If it is music, he just wants to dance, but he sleeps with the "quiet" conversation going on with the TV. We also had to avoid the crib for naps the first month home. Maybe, since he is used to naps in the room on the first floor of HH, that might work. Charlie loves napping on a blanket on the floor. . .
ReplyDeleteNo great advice, but I wanted to reassure you that my 7 month old daughter's sleep habits sound incredibly similar to what you have written- and she has been with us since day 1. I think at this age they spend a lot of time processing new skills and experiences as they fall asleep- and certainly your little man has a lot to process. Also, perhaps he is ready to just go down to one nap a day. My older two were both napping for 2-3 hours in the afternoon with no morning naps by about 8 months...at least it would be one less time to fight the nap battle...because some days it really does seem like all you do is induce sleep! Hang in there- this too shall pass and pretty soon you'll all be getting a bit more rest. Sounds like you are doing a great job.
ReplyDeleteI’m having similar issues right now with one of my foster babies. I have found that she sleeps more sound if I wrap her in a thick blanket, not swaddling her, leaving her feet out. I think she feels more secure having the thicker heavier blanket around her. Also, I was told that giving them a blanket or toy that is only theirs and is always with them for security is a good idea. The baby I have only like to be held or in a swing, hates the bouncer or anything else. For the past couple weeks she has been sleeping in the swing pretty good, napping great but nights are still a challenge. She was almost sleeping through the night but then visits with her parents started up and now we’re back to square one again. But a helpful tip on getting them to sleep through the night is to offer no bottles or only one the whole night. When they wake up just go to them rubber their belly or back, not really picking them up, and giving them a pacifier. Some babies catch on quick and start sleeping through the night with a week, others it can take months. The little one I have now I predict will take months as she is such a discontent, anxious one to begin with. Oh also, my little one gets over simulated very easily and I have found that bouncing or rocking her makes it worse. I have found if I just wrap her in a blanket and try to stay still and just caress her cheek and forehead she calms down much quicker. Hope some of this can help you out.
ReplyDeleteWe can't wait to experience this for ourselves :)
ReplyDeleteYour son is absolutely adorable!
ReplyDeleteSometimes you just have to give in and sleep on the couch with him. When I first brought our Ami home last July that is what I did. I know there are a million things to do- but just take the phone off the hook, cut the TV on low and get a cozy blanket, pillow and off the both of you go. It is good for you too- and great for bonding. Most of the time Ami slept right on top of me.
ReplyDeleteIt has been 10 months - and he is the best sleeper ever. 12 hours at night and 2-3 hour naps- all in his bed(and even sometimes another 1 hour afternoon nap). Hang in there- I promise it gets easier. Trust your instincts and ask God for wisdom every day. Blessings to you both!!
My suggestion is to mimic the environment of Hannahs Hope. Maybe it is too quiet? I'm sure it was noisy there. Could you play a cd of Ethiopian music, or a cd of a book on tape spoken in the Ethiopian language? And like everyone else said, just sleep. Sleep is sleep however you get it. Lower your expectations and just get through the moment. Before you know it he will be older and will be sleeping in his own bed and you will MISS the cuddles. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIf you are a reader, a fantastic attachment parent book on sleeping is called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Here is a link from amazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Through/dp/0071381392
ReplyDeleteWe used this book with both of our homegrown kids and it was invaluable. Praying for sleep!
So I don't really have any advice per se, but I do remember in one of my baby books it talked about the regular sleep patterns are in 45 minute increments, and that it is not entirely uncommon for a baby to wake up at 45 minutes, even though they need more sleep. Whatever the method you might use to get him back to sleep is still probably better than just considering him done with his nap at that point. I know one of my boys would often wake up at 45 minutes, and then I'd keep the lights low, continue to talk in hushed voices and rock him back to sleep and he's sleep again for another 45 minutes to 1.5 hours.
ReplyDeleteHope it's getting better!