Created for Care

This was my third year attending the Created for Care adoption retreat. I think each year it has taught me so much, but very different things. The first year, we were less than a year into the adoption process - so I was soaking up all of the information, but I was mostly just amazed that there were so many like-minded women who cared about Jesus and orphan care. The second year (last year), we were in-between trips and had just left our son in Ethiopia. C4C was a great refresher for me because I was surrounded by people who could identify with me in the season I was in. Also, I learned so much about the hard places that our kids come from and how important it is to create a safe, stable environment at home.

This year, we are pretty settled at home, but I have been very discouraged lately. I don't talk about Israel's special needs much online, because I don't feel it is appropriate for me to share his business and I don't really want everyone to know all that he is going through. For a while, though, I have just felt really overwhelmed and fearful. I have felt upset that the Lord would call me to this path, when I don't feel equipped. I have had a lot of negative feelings and emotions about the future and what God has in store for us, because I feel like I'm barely surviving as it is. A lot of what I have been scared of is completely unknown, so it doesn't even make sense for me to be so afraid when I'm just playing out scenarios in my head!

So, going into the weekend I really hoped for a time of refreshment and a renewed sense of my calling as a mom. Don't get me wrong- I wouldn't trade Israel for who he is for anything! I just get overwhelmed by all that he needs sometimes and wish that it would be easier, or that I would know what to do to help him.

One thing the Lord really pressed into me this weekend was that God didn't call me to this life, this season, because I am so equipped. I am not equipped. He called me to this because GOD is equipped. God has what I need to sustain me through this season, and to be the best parent possible. God chose me because I AM weak, and when I am weak, He is strong and He is glorified through my weakness. He gave me the opportunity to parent a special needs child because I get to take part in God's glory. I get to rejoice over small things that become big things. I get to rejoice in things that are miracles to us that may be simple milestones to others. He picked me for bigger blessings! I'm just not looking at them in the right way.

Of course, I learned a lot about adoption, sensory issues, being a mama, and other things at the retreat- but the main thing I walked away with was a sense of relief. I have been trying to parent in my own strength, and it is exhausting. I am so thankful for the weekend away and for the opportunity to be reminded of God's faithfulness to us.

My second favorite part of the weekend was the community of believers. I roomed with three precious women who have beautiful hearts. We had a beautiful prayer time with women from our adoption agency late Saturday night, and I was able to connect with women who are in various stages of the adoption process. I hugged the necks of women whose kids were at Hannah's Hope with my son, and had loved on him during their trips and taken pictures for us. I had dinner with one of my other special-needs Mama friends and we both had exciting moments where God gave us hope for our children. It was so special, and the trip would be worth it alone for the time to connect with these women who mean so much to me. It makes me tear up thinking about it because most of these people I would never get the chance to spend time with otherwise, yet they have been so influential in my faith and in my role as mama.

If you haven't ever been, I encourage you to go! There is a March retreat this year, and there will be retreats next year too (registration is in August!). It is worth the investment, my friends.