The Inconveniences of Motherhood
I'm pretty sure the roughest part of transitioning to motherhood has been the reality of selflessness that it requires. Well, lack of sleep comes in a close second, but overall selfishness probably covers that too, ha.
The past few weeks have been a reality check into my sin nature. Israel has not been easy lately. He has been super fussy while experiencing some awful teething. He has not napped well, and he has made me wish for naptime or bedtime more than I would like to admit. Additionally, Christmastime has lots of events and activities that are at night and we have had to figure out how we can keep Israel up past bedtime or what to do with him so we can attend events. The strain of his developmental needs has been exhausting me, and sometimes the days are so long that I wish I had some place to escape to!
Then there's church. We are finally starting to leave Israel for small periods of time in the nursery so I can participate in worship without distractions. There has only been one successful attempt, and this past Sunday we were "kicked out" (I say jokingly) of nursery AND the service because he couldn't be happy/quiet in either place. I finally just went home with him and felt that it had almost been a waste of a Sunday because I wasn't even really there mentally.
So, have you joined in my pity party yet? You buying in to my selfishness? Want to give me a break? :)
Well... then the shooting in Connecticut happened. And every mother held her babies tighter and realized the brevity of life and the impact that a broken world has on our safety net for our kids. And then, I read a blog post of an adoption mama friend who has waited 27 months to see her daughter's face. And I realized, that my selfishness needed to take a back seat, and gratitude needed to replace it.
What a joy it is to have a child at all. What a blessing that my son now lives in a country and home that provides access for care for his special needs. What a gift that we have events to be invited to, people to love and spend the holidays with. What a privilege it is to stay home with my son and know the details of his entire day!
So if you see me in a rut please remind me that gratitude trumps selfishness! It is much more energizing to be thankful than to be selfish.
The past few weeks have been a reality check into my sin nature. Israel has not been easy lately. He has been super fussy while experiencing some awful teething. He has not napped well, and he has made me wish for naptime or bedtime more than I would like to admit. Additionally, Christmastime has lots of events and activities that are at night and we have had to figure out how we can keep Israel up past bedtime or what to do with him so we can attend events. The strain of his developmental needs has been exhausting me, and sometimes the days are so long that I wish I had some place to escape to!
Then there's church. We are finally starting to leave Israel for small periods of time in the nursery so I can participate in worship without distractions. There has only been one successful attempt, and this past Sunday we were "kicked out" (I say jokingly) of nursery AND the service because he couldn't be happy/quiet in either place. I finally just went home with him and felt that it had almost been a waste of a Sunday because I wasn't even really there mentally.
So, have you joined in my pity party yet? You buying in to my selfishness? Want to give me a break? :)
Well... then the shooting in Connecticut happened. And every mother held her babies tighter and realized the brevity of life and the impact that a broken world has on our safety net for our kids. And then, I read a blog post of an adoption mama friend who has waited 27 months to see her daughter's face. And I realized, that my selfishness needed to take a back seat, and gratitude needed to replace it.
What a joy it is to have a child at all. What a blessing that my son now lives in a country and home that provides access for care for his special needs. What a gift that we have events to be invited to, people to love and spend the holidays with. What a privilege it is to stay home with my son and know the details of his entire day!
So if you see me in a rut please remind me that gratitude trumps selfishness! It is much more energizing to be thankful than to be selfish.
Girl, I feel like I could've written this! Liam has been sick with croup (and we just got over an ear infection!) and it's been awwwwful. Not gonna lie, I've been pretty bitter thinking about how before I had a kid I could do whatever I want. I could sleep in, go to church and parties without worry, etc. But yeah, the CT shooting was one of those events that made me oh so thankful to have my boy safe and sound, albeit sick.
ReplyDeletePlease don't feel alone with this struggle. I was talking to my sister just the other day and said that the toughest thing about motherhood for me is the constant battle between baby and self. It has shown me how little I thought about others and how much I thought about myself prior to becoming a mother. With that said, I love Sawyer so much and have learned that a lot of things that used to be important to me are no longer a priority. Isreal is a blessed baby to have such a loving and caring mom like you!
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ReplyDeleteI love your honesty! God is using you in so many ways to minister to other moms and women in general. I read this blog post a long time ago and it has come to mind a couple of times in regards to your posts. It is a wonderful blog full of insight on raising Christ-centered children. http://www.whenyourise.com/2012/05/children-in-church-and-getting-my-toes.html
ReplyDeleteWhen you get chance would you post the recipes for the toddler finger foods you blogged about earlier? They looked really tasty and I think Asher would love them :)