Called to Adopt- What Next? Determining what type of adoption will best suit your family.

 If you have been feeling the call to adopt and are longing to become a parent, I know it can feel overwhelming to look at options. Sometimes it is good to step back and evaluate what led you here and how God has prepared you for this decision. 

There may be many things in your story that have led you to this point. Perhaps you have been through infertility and don't want to continue with treatments or have exhausted your options with fertility treatments. Perhaps you never desired to be pregnant! Or perhaps you heard a sermon, saw friends adopt, or couldn't settle with the thought of children around the world in need of permanent adoptive families. There are many ways that families come to choose adoption for building their families, and whatever it is that brought you to this stage, I must say- congratulations! Not every person is called to adopt, but I feel that if you are, you know it. I remember when my husband and I were deciding on how to start our family, we had peace and hopeful anticipation about the prospect of adoption. It just felt like the next right thing for our journey as a family. I am praying that whatever has led you to this point, you have the same peace and clarity about what God has in store for your family. 

1. Foster Care. The need in the US is great for you to step in and serve vulnerable children (infants- teens) who need loving adults to provide security and stability when their birth families are going through difficulty. The need is great for families to be open to sibling groups and kids who have been exposed to some forms of trauma or neglect. Foster care might be right for you if you are not sure if you are called to a longterm yes of adoption but you are also willing to open your home for a short season or forever. Foster care classes are free and there is no expense for your home study. The costs related to foster care can be subsidized. The goal of foster care is reunification with the children's first families, so adoption from foster care is not the goal when a child is removed from the first family's home. Adoption occurs after a longer period of time (typically over one year of a child being in state custody). With that said, there are many children who are eligible for adoption after being in foster care, and your "yes" at the beginning of a foster care situation may lead to adoption. The beauty of foster care is that you have the opportunity to rally behind and support birth families as they are working towards the goals of reunification if possible. If you are not sure if adoption is for you, start taking the foster care classes to learn more about the special needs of children who have been displaced from their first families. 

2. International Adoption. Some families (like my own) have the call to adopt internationally. The heartbreaking stories of children in orphanages and the reality of children who are growing up without any support system is worth understanding regardless of your choice for building your family. International adoption is unique in that every country that is open to international adoption has different rules and parameters for qualification. The expenses may vary and it is absolutely important to vet agencies for their ethics. Timelines, financial expectations and length of time between a match and placement can vary greatly even between families who are adopting from the same program/country. Important areas to research include attachment and bonding, acclimating a child to a new culture, and how your family will incorporate a child's birth culture into your home. 

3. Domestic Infant Adoption. Domestic adoption allows for prospective adoptive families to be chosen by expectant families/birth parents who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. The timelines and expenses for this can also vary state by state and according to each situation. Domestic infant adoption typically involves matches during the pregnancy, and adoptive families typically receive custody of the infant at the hospital. Finalization for domestic infant adoption typically occurs within 12 months of placement. There are risks of birth families changing their minds ("revocation of consent") and each state has different laws about the timeline of the revocation period. The important thing to note about domestic infant adoption is that it is a voluntary choice from birth parents (one or both birth parents consenting) and the birth family has the right to choose what happens to the baby and who the adoptive parents will be. Best practice includes having some level of openness between birth families and adoptive parents and adoptee, which may include pictures, letters, or visits while the child is growing up. Even when a child is placed into an adoptive family at birth, there is still loss for the child and the child may have not experienced ideal prenatal conditions. 

4. Embryo Adoption. Embryo adoption involves an adoptive family who is picked by a donor family (owners of embryos used for their previous fertility treatments). Embryos may or may not be genetically related to the donor family, as donor families may have also used donated eggs/sperm to conceive the embryos. Embryo adoption still utilizes a home study for prospective adoptive families, and families still create a profile book to be matched/picked by a "birth family" aka Donor family. Embryos are considered property and not children according to the law, so the embryos are transferred to the adoptive family, who uses fertility clinics to implant the embryos. At birth, the adoptive family is listed as the mother/father on the birth certificate. Formal adoptions by court may occur in some states but is not required. If you are looking to adopt and are interested in saving one of over 1 million frozen embryos by giving them life, and you are able to carry a pregnancy (or utilize a surrogate), embryo adoption might be the right path for you. Pros: you have "prenatal control" and can create an ideal environment during pregnancy. It is still important to note that talking with your child about the birth family, genetic siblings, and the story of the child's origin is important! An open agreement with the donor family is still possible as well. 

What do all of these paths have in common? Start with a home study. Assess what risks you are willing to accept (financial, behavioral, openness with birth families). This was the briefest overview of these four types of adoption so please note there is a lot more research available if you are interested in learning more. I'm happy to set up a time to talk to you more about domestic or embryo adoption through Christian Adoption Consultants. Email me at rebekah@christianadoptionconsultants.com