Meeting extended family: Grandparents

As promised, here is a post to describe how Israel met his grandparents, and how we did that within the boundaries of our cocooning season.

At the airport, both grandmas (my mom "Nana" and Will's mom "Gaga") were present. They both gave him a kiss while I held him. We knew Israel was very overstimulated from the airport and that the kisses would mean a lot to our moms, while Israel didn't really understand affection yet.

We came home on Saturday night, and on Sunday night, in the middle of the night, Will left for Haiti on a short trip with our church college ministry. He was only gone until Wednesday... But those 3 days were going to be very long because of jet lag and becoming new parents. Nana came on Monday and stayed until Tuesday. Gaga came on Wednesday and stayed for the day. Although they were in the house with me and Israel, they didn't do any of the care for Israel or give him any attention (they were dying inside!). They helped clean, unpack, cook and organize. It was also nice for me to have someone else in the house while Will was out of the country. I am so thankful they were able to help me focus on Israel during the first few days home!

After a few weeks, my parents came up one day and brought us lunch- they live 2 hours south of us. They stayed about 3 hours and played with Israel while we held him.

He normally wears clothes, I promise!

About a week later, Will's parents and brother came. They live two hours north of us. They also brought us lunch and just stayed for a few hours. They played with him on the floor and I even let Gaga hold Israel while he was sleeping (after I rocked him to sleep). At that point we had been home five weeks.

At about six and a half weeks, my mom came up for the day. I told myself before she came that I was going to let her hold him while he was awake... But I never had the willingness to hand him over! She also rocked him while he was asleep after I got him to sleep.

Then, last week, Will and I got a stomach bug. We got this bug from my sister (Yeah I'm calling you out sis!) who had just been with my entire family at my parents house. We had planned to visit them but then we heard that they all had a stomach bug. My sister headed to our house to escape it, but ended up sharing it with us! Because my mom had already been exposed and was better, she came up to help us while Will and I were sick. We didn't want to pass germs to Israel (praise God he never got sick!) so my mom stayed for two days and did all of the care for Israel - diapers, feeding, bathing, putting to sleep, and snuggling. It was certainly not the scenario I had envisioned for letting Israel be cared for by someone else! It was miserable watching Israel and not being able to love on him! I was reminded that this was how the grandparents have felt!! Israel did really well with my mom. We were in the same room a lot, so it's not like we disappeared and my mom cared for him. I think it was probably the only catalyst to let me know it was ok to have grandparents hold Israel- he was ok and it didn't hurt our attachment process.

So now that we have crossed that border, I'm ready to let Israel be held and cared for by his grandparents. I'm thankful that they live so close and that they are willing to come down often!

I also just want to say that our parents have been incredibly supportive!! Not just of our adoption process, but they were so respectful during our cocooning phase and never made us feel guilty for cocooning or setting such different boundaries than what they had with other grand kids. I am so thankful that they let us lead and trusted us to make the right decisions for Israel, even if it meant that they had to wait to be hands on grandparents.

I truly believe our season of cocooning was worth it and we have made a great stride in our attachment process. Although, we are not ready for Israel to be passed around to strangers or friends, and I'm still a little wary of people touching him! Our friends have commented that they have seen the fruit of cocooning in the way that Israel responds to us. This journey isn't over- we are just beginning to repair the losses that were made during Israel's life before us. We are his fourth home and I don't know how many caregivers he had before us! So laying this foundation, creating an "inner circle" of "safe" people... This will pay off in the long run and Israel will be able to have healthy relationships because we are teaching him what that looks like.